Luke 24:5 (AMP) 5 And as [the women] were frightened and were bowing their faces to the ground, the men said to them, Why do you look for the living among [those who are] dead?
Avoid people that are manipulative and try to control you, know the signs...
Manipulative Behavior Inventory
Directions: If you currently use any of the following behaviors in your relationships with people in your life, mark "yes."
___ yes ___ no ( 1) Play the victim
___ yes ___ no ( 2) Play the martyr
___ yes ___ no ( 3) Act helpless
___ yes ___ no ( 4) Play stupid
___ yes ___ no ( 5) Act incompetent
___ yes ___ no ( 6) Act angry
___ yes ___ no ( 7) Throw temper tantrums
___ yes ___ no ( 8) Say "anything you want" when you don't mean it
___ yes ___ no ( 9) Act compliant when you don't want to
___ yes ___ no (10) Lie about how you feel
___ yes ___ no (11) Act lost
___ yes ___ no (12) Act suicidal
___ yes ___ no (13) Act hopeless and pathetic
___ yes ___ no (14) Act depressed
___ yes ___ no (15) Act befuddled or confused
___ yes ___ no (16) Tell stories or fabrications
___ yes ___ no (17) Use hyperbole or exaggeration to build up problems
___ yes ___ no (18) Act as a "wedge" between people keeping them divided against one another
___ yes ___ no (19) Act judgmental or shame people
___ yes ___ no (20) Use guilt trips
___ yes ___ no (21) Use ridicule
___ yes ___ no (22) "Cry wolf"
___ yes ___ no (23) "Looking good" for the other
___ yes ___ no (24) People pleasing
___ yes ___ no (25) Passive aggressiveness
___ yes ___ no (26) Act hurt or wounded
___ yes ___ no (27) Act ignored or forgotten
___ yes ___ no (28) Act unloved or uncared for
___ yes ___ no (29) Blame others for your problems
___ yes ___ no (30) Kiss up
___ yes ___ no (31) Act overly solicitous
___ yes ___ no (32) Ingratiate yourself with others
___ yes ___ no (33) Exaggerated sincerity
___ yes ___ no (34) Overly charming
___ yes ___ no (35) Act "out of it"
___ yes ___ no (36) Act "sorry" for your bad behaviors
___ yes ___ no (37) Insincere promising of change or reformation of behaviors
___ yes ___ no (38) Act as if you don't have value or worth
___ yes ___ no (39) Keep everybody upset to keep focus off you
___ yes ___ no (40) Keep people around you in competitive relationships
Compulsive liars are different from pathological liars or those who only lie periodically. There is often no obvious reason for the lying, and different underlying motivations exist for compulsive liars than for other types of liars. Certain warning signs can help you discern whether you are dealing with a compulsive liar, so read on to learn what these are.
Notice how often the person seemingly lies. Compulsive liars lie on a regular and ongoing basis; it is a habit in which they participate almost all the time.
Consider the apparent ease with which a person tells a lie. If they appear uncomfortable or nervous, then chances are that they are not a compulsive liar. Lying comes naturally to a compulsive liar, who looks and feels more comfortable lying than telling the truth.
Focus on the types of things that the person lies about. A compulsive liar often lies about anything and everything, even small, seemingly insignificant things.
Evaluate the motivation behind the person's lying. If the person seems to lie simply when it is beneficial for them or when it gets them out of an awkward situation, they are probably not a compulsive liar. Someone who is a compulsive liar generally lies because doing so is a habit and not because they are trying to manipulate others.
Think about the person's personality characteristics to determine whether they fit the stereotype of a compulsive liar. Often, compulsive liars begin this habit to get attention from others or to make themselves appear better in some way, so a compulsive liar may have issues with poor self-esteem.
Examine whether a potential compulsive liar recognizes their behavior. Because lying is such an ingrained habit for a compulsive liar, they may not even recognize that they are doing it, or they may deny the behavior.
Look at the person's ability to remain consistent in what they say. A compulsive liar may have a difficult time keeping their stories straight since they have injected so many lies into what they have told other people.
Is your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend a compulsive/pathological liar or a sociopath?
To begin with, it may help to understand the difference between a pathological or compulsive liar and a sociopath (see, types of liars).
Ultimately, making this type of distinction may not be that useful. Because in either case, the outcome is typically the same: dealing with a compulsive or pathological liar is very difficult to do. And unfortunately, sociopaths cannot be changed (see, lovefraud).
A compulsive liar will resort to telling lies, regardless of the situation. Again, everyone lies from time to time (see, when lovers lie), but for a compulsive liar, telling lies is routine. It becomes a habit - a way of life.
Simply put, for a compulsive liar, lying becomes second nature.
Not only do compulsive liars bend the truth about issues large and small, they take comfort in it. Lying feels right to a compulsive liar. Telling the truth, on the other hand, is difficult and uncomfortable.
And like any behavior which provides comfort and an escape from discomfort (i.e., alcohol, drugs, sex), lying can become addictive and hard to stop. For the compulsive liar, lying feels safe and this fuels the desire to lie even more.
Unfortunately, compulsive lying is hard for the person involved to see, but it hurts those who are around it. Compulsive lying, if not addressed, can easily ruin a relationship (for example, see why does he need to lie).
Compulsive lying can be dealt with through counseling or therapy. But, like any addictive behavior (and/or personality disorder), getting someone to admit they have a problem with lying is the difficult part. Sadly enough, getting someone to recognize that he or she has a problem usually requires hitting rock bottom first.
We can’t control people but we can control how people control us. Cyndi West Pentiuk
The Bible tells us not to sit inactive in the path of the ungodly and not to take their advice.Do you sit at a lunch table daily with people who are ungodly and listen to them tell dirty jokes and gossip.If you do you are making a big mistake.You are fellowshipping with dead things that won’t produce any fruit in your life.
Be intentional with your life and your time as well as your relationships.
Discern death from life.The minute you come in contact with something dead you should get away from it.You wouldn’t keep a dead animal in your home.Why would you keep inviting someone over that only brings criticism and ill will?If we start to feel dead inside we need to do something about it.
Don’t allow yourself to think depressing thoughts or to be critical and complain.YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE CRABBY ABOUT.
You have the ability to either encourage or discourage yourself based on how you think.REMEMBER: Your past is dead.Don’t get desperate in your lifeless state and do foolish things.
LAUGH, and go around people that laugh.
Don’t attend a dead church either.EXAMPLE; same people singing in the choir for 30 years.
WATCH OUT FOR Familiarity.Especially if you want to be a leader. Avoid getting to close to certain people.
Avoid Fearful people as well.
Avoid insecure people cause they need constant reassurance and compliments.
Some people can’t be helped. Sometimes Satan puts people in our way to stop us from doing God’s work.
People that control you-people don’t love or respect you when they are manipulating you. We will never be free unless we confront things–
Mean people, some people are never going to be happy.
People pollutants—too negative, needy, infectious people are not of God, they are the devils way of keeping distracted.
Many a times we come across people who are hard to forget. Well, not always because they are helpful or bequeath us with some wonderful experiences, but sometimes because they give us unforgettable awful experiences with their utterly bad behavior and selfish characteristics.
Though, we hardly expect everybody to be good and helpful to us, we don’t even expect that people use us for their benefits and behave in a manner to make us feel low or worthless. We don’t expect that people should help us in return for everything we do for them, but we do expect that people would at least notice and weigh our efforts made to help them and not just take our efforts as granted.
Despite this, we still come across people who are mean, arrogant, egotistical and selfish. Encounters with such people leave us feeling hurtful and used to a great extent. Moreover, if one is a sensitive person with a soft heart, then such associations might give them hard-to-forget, distressing experiences. One or two such experiences would surely leave us flabbergasted and we would wish to stay away from such people in the future.
Though it is not easy to recognize a selfish person immediately, they possess some particular traits and some peculiar characteristics. We can keep ourselves off-hook if we know their baiting traits.
·All selfish people display a very uncaring attitude and a strong “Me first” trait.
A very peculiar and common trait which all selfish and conceited people possess is that they always put themselves and their needs on the forefront. They only give heed to their priorities, their goals and in the process would not think of anyone else, not even about those who might be really needy than them.
When it comes to getting their needs met and their work done, they would turn a deaf ear to the necessities of others. Such selfish people do not believe in the “Live and Let Live“ philosophy, constantly putting their own needs and desires first, they just live for themselves.
A selfish person would view others only as a means to get what they want. They have a have tunnel vision which starts from and leads to themselves and their personal needs alone.
·Another trait which selfish and conceited people show is being manipulative, scheming and plotting most of the times.
This trait arises from the fact that selfish people are driven by the fear of loss of control. They therefore become very manipulative and scheming. They tend to control everything by maligning someone’s reputation or by misrepresenting things.
Selfish people have a great inherent desire to control situations and people and are unwilling to reach compromises with others. To get their own way they would down cast others and debase anybody’s reputation.
·Another conspicuous trait which all conceited and selfish people display is of being calculative and accumulators.
Oscar Wilde, the Irish writer, poet and prominent aesthete, has expressed this demeaning selfish trait in such beautiful words, “There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.”
This selfish characteristic gives people a grave tendency to hold and hoard things to themselves.
It becomes difficult for such people to part with even simple things like their time and efforts, leave aside important things like money. They would hoard all the resources to themselves and would not share it with anyone even if those resources would go wasted and depleted.
They would never think of sacrificing anything for anybody and in case they do it some time they would expect a lot in return. Insecurity might be the reason behind this base characteristic the selfish people display. They feel it is their right to receive from others but never feel obliged to return anything.Selfish people behave in this manner because they don’t know how to balance giving with taking.
·Low self esteem is another characteristic displayed by selfish people that gives them a negative outlook towards life and making them contemptuous of others in general.
This negative trait towards everything makes them bad team players as they always try to pull down others with their remarks, actions or suggestions.
They find it hard to motivate and inspire people because they themselves lack motivation and the drive to look ahead in life. This characteristic makes them unpopular in a team and a misfit at group tasks.
·A selfish person is highly self centered and self obsessed.
This trait makes them see or hear no one else. They become bad listeners and give little or no consideration to what others have to say. They are inconsiderate and have little or no room for compassion. They would cut off conversations and bring the focus on themselves.
It becomes their earnest desire to be seen and heard more than anyone else making them oblivious to the opinions, suggestions and advices of others. All the conversations they indulge in pertain and turn back to themselves.
Looking at the traits and characteristics selfish people possess, one thing becomes obvious that selfish people do not need your contempt. You surely have to keep yourself shielded from their negativist traits but you don’t need to run from them.
All of us are selfish to some extent, but when the traits and characteristics go beyond control they make us selfish down to the core. Selfish people are ridiculed and downcast by the society in general.
A big non-selfish and selfless trait would be to understand such people and help them out of their selfishness and greedy attitude by accepting their presence, although cautiously.
Of course be careful not to fall in the trap of their cagey attitude, but by not ignoring them and remaining unfazed and unaffected by their damaging, detrimental and calculating behavior, you might help a selfish person understand the value of selflessness. You never know, how greatly your selfless approach can help a selfish person reform into a kind, loving and unassuming soul.
The thought is so rightly put forth by James Allen, the philosophical writer, “The selfishness must be discovered and understood before it can be removed. It is powerless to remove itself, neither will it pass away of itself. Darkness ceases only when light is introduced; So ignorance can only be dispersed by Knowledge; Selfishness by Love.”
Dealing with Anger...God's Way
by Joyce Meyer
Everybody has to deal with anger from time to time. But what’s the best way to handle it? To answer that question, we must first understand what anger really is. Anger is an emotion often characterized by feelings of great displeasure, indignation, hostility, wrath and vengeance. Many times, reacting in anger is how we express our dissatisfaction with life. It’s defined in the Greek language as the strongest of all passions. Anger begins with a feeling that’s often expressed in words or actions. We feel something and it causes a reaction.
GET TO THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM
Anger is the fruit of rotten roots. One of the primary roots of anger stems from the family. Angry people come from angry families because they learn from their role models and carry on the same behavior in their own lives, eventually passing it on to their children.
OTHER ROOTS OF ANGER INCLUDE:
Injustice—when people mistreat us but there’s nothing we can do about it, we get angry because we feel it isn't fair. As much as we’d like to change the situation or the person who’s treating us badly, we can't. People can't change people; only God can change people. So it's best to put our energy into praying for the offender.
Strife—which is hidden, repressed anger, begins with judgment, gossip, backbiting and thinking too highly of yourself. Strife is often exhibited in arguing, bickering, heated disagreements and angry undercurrents.
Impatience—often produces anger when we can't get what we want when we want it. When our progress is hindered or slowed down because of others, it’s easy to become impatient. Most of us struggle with impatience on a daily basis simply because of today's fast-paced world.
Abuse of any kind—sexual, physical, verbal, emotional or mental abuse almost always leads to anger. They’re all injustices, which eventually leave the abused feeling helpless and angry. Abuse of any kind can’t be ignored. We must deal with it and process it before we can get free of it.
Unmet needs—can also produce anger. We all have needs that can and should be met by those closest to us; however, they don’t know and understand our needs unless we communicate with them. But even then they may sometimes fail to meet our needs. Therefore, the answer is to go to God with our needs and not to other people.
Jealousy—anger caused by jealousy was one of the first negative emotions mentioned in the Bible. Genesis 4 tells us that Cain killed his brother Abel because he was jealous to the point of being angry. Although this is one of the more extreme results of jealousy, it reminds us of how dangerous jealousy can be.
In today’s society many people feel their status is dependent on their job or position in the church. Because of this mindset, they’re afraid someone else may get promoted ahead of them. Jealousy causes them to try to be important in the eyes of man. If you have this problem, understand that God has you where you are for a reason. He knows what’s in your future, and He may have you in training for it right now. There’s a big difference between being able and being ready to do a specific thing. So don't despise the days of small beginnings. Remember, we must answer to God. Our rewards come from obeying the specific callings He’s placed on our lives, not from the great things we accomplish as far as the world is concerned.
Other roots that lead to anger include fear of confrontation, insecurity, and feeling controlled by a job or other people and their problems. I used to get mad at people who controlled me until God told me one day, "You’re just as guilty as they are because you're letting them do it." We shouldn’t put excessive pressure on ourselves by making too many commitments just because we don't want to say no to someone.
MASKS OF ANGER
Sometimes we use masks to cover up the things we don't want anybody to see. If we’re harboring anger, we think masking it keeps others from knowing the real us. So we hide behind a variety of masks in an attempt to trick people into thinking we're something or someone we're not. I’ve discovered that people respect you more if you share your real self with them rather than trying to hide everything. After all, people can tell when something isn’t right. You may think you're hiding your anger, but it’ll eventually find a way to come out—either in voice tone, body language or attitudes. Some people use the cold-shoulder mask. When someone makes them angry, they may say they’ve forgiven them, but they become cold, showing no warmth or emotion in dealing with that individual. These people live a lonely existence. Because they’re so afraid of being hurt, they avoid close, meaningful relationships. This is a classic example of "choosing your pain." They’ll choose the pain of living an isolated, lonely life instead of working through the problem, determined to develop good friendships. Other people like to use the silent-treatment mask. They say they're not angry with you, yet they refuse to talk to you, or they only communicate when it’s absolutely necessary, usually with a grunt or nod. When people avoid being with, touching, or doing things for the person they're angry with, they're hiding behind a mask, which isn’t the answer.
FACE THE TRUTH...AND CHOOSE YOUR PAIN
If you want the great and mighty things God has for you, you must get to the root of anger and deal with it. Get rid of the masks and face the things that happened in your life that made you the way you are today. Admit that you can't change by yourself. Until the root is removed, it’ll continue to produce one bad fruit after another. Too often we spend our lives dealing with the bad fruit of our behavior, but we never dig deep enough to get to the root of the problem. Actually, when we're faced with anger, we must choose our pain. Digging deep to take care of the bad root is painful, but it’s the only lasting way to take care of the problem. We can either suffer positively, doing what’s right or we can go with the devil's plan. But remember, the same devil who tempts you to follow your human feelings will later condemn you for doing it. You must decide if you want the pain that will take you into a new realm of glory or to keep your same old pain and try to hide it while it's rotting inside you.
Peter tells us to be well-balanced and temperate, withstanding the devil at his onset (see 1 Peter 5:8,9). When you begin to feel anger, it's the perfect time to exercise the fruit of self-control. You may have a good reason to be angry, but don’t use it as an excuse to stay that way. Instead of denying or justifying it, ask God to help you deal with it in a positive way. Romans 12:21 gives good advice: Do not let yourself be overcome by evil, but overcome (master) evil with good. When Satan attacks you, instead of getting mad, go bless someone. Responding in a positive way is the direct opposite of what the enemy wants you to do, defeating his plan to keep you upset. It doesn't come naturally, and it isn't always easy, but when we do what we can do, God will do what we can't do. Do not be quick in spirit to be angry or vexed, for anger and vexation lodge in the bosom of fools (Ecclesiastes 7:9). If we hang on to anger, we're just being foolish. We must turn the anger and the people who caused it over to God and let Him take care of it. ...Vengeance is Mine, I will repay (requite), says the Lord (Romans 12:19). Trust God and He will take care of you and protect you. You can't change your past, but when you give it to God, He’ll use it to bring you a better future.
IS ANGER SIN?
Is all anger sin? No, but some of it is. Even God Himself has righteous anger against sin, injustice, rebellion and pettiness. Anger sometimes serves a useful purpose, so it isn't necessarily always a sin. Obviously, we’re going to have adverse feelings, or God wouldn’t have needed to provide the fruit of self-control. Just being tempted to do something is not sin. It's when you don't resist the temptation, but do it anyway, that it becomes sin. God sometimes allows us to feel anger so we’ll recognize when we’re being mistreated. But even when we experience true injustices in our lives, we must not vent our anger in an improper way. We must guard against allowing anger to drag us into sin. Ephesians 4:26,27 tells us, When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down.Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him]. Refuse to give the devil any opportunity to get a foothold in your life through anger.
All anger, regardless of its cause, has the same effect on our lives. It upsets us, causing us to feel pressure. Keeping anger locked inside and pretending it doesn't exist can even be dangerous to our health. Most of the time we’re only hurting ourselves, and the person who angered us isn’t even aware of it. So we must take responsibility for our anger and learn to deal with it. Process it and bring closure to it, and that will relieve the pressure. I have been through some rough times in my life, and for many years those experiences caused me to feel miserable. I was so mad about the abuse in my childhood that it was making me bitter and hateful. I was angry with everybody, but one day God confronted me and said, "Joyce, are you going to let that make you bitter or better?" That got my attention, and I eventually had to find a positive way to process my anger. That was a place of new beginnings for me. When you face your anger and decide to deal with it God's way, you can overcome it. The Holy Spirit gives us the power to be stable and walk in the fruit of the Spirit. We have the power to forgive those who do injustices in our lives and to love the unlovely.
TAKE STEPS TOWARD FREEDOM
People are born to be free; it’s a gift from God. We’re not to be free from responsibility, but free to be led by the Holy Spirit. Any time our freedom is taken away or given away, we experience anger. Are you willing to go through whatever it takes to be free, or do you want to stay in the mess you're in for the rest of your life? If you want to be free, just start doing what God wants you to do, one step at a time, and you’ll eventually walk out of your messes. When we are battling anger, we must realize that ...we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Ephesians 6:12 KJV). When Satan makes you angry, remember that he's trying to keep you from accomplishing the will of God in your life.
In 2 Timothy 4:5, Paul told Timothy to be calm, cool and collected and to keep performing the duties of his ministry. That’s good advice for all of us. When we get angry, we should calm down and start doing what God has called us to do. You can be bitter or better—it's up to you! If you're mad about something, instead of letting it ruin your life, turn it into something good. Overcome evil and anger by praying for those who hurt and abuse you. Forgive them and be a blessing to them. It may not be easy at first, but when you make the decision and stick with it, God will take care of the rest.
For more information about this Author visit http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art43.htm?print=true
IMPORTANT NOTICE: We can't change other people, only God can change other people. People have to be willing to face the truth about who they are and they have to be willing to change. Change starts with surrender to God, surrender to God starts at the cross of Jesus Christ. It is through a close relationship with Jesus Christ, that we see positive change in our lives and the lives of our loved ones. Healthy relationships require Jesus. If you know someone that suffers as a result of toxic behavior, remember to pray for God's transforming power in their lives.
How to Stop Being Lazy – Stop Shifting Responsibilities
Matthew 23:4. If you are asking yourself how to stop being lazy, this is good first step. You are at least realizing that you need to do better. In many cases, the source of laziness is irresponsibility. God has created all of us for a purpose and He has given us the means to support our livelihood. With purpose comes responsibilities. Laziness is a symptom of not being responsible. God did not create us to be inactive, selfish, nor purposeless.
Laziness is something that affects both the rich and the poor as well as the powerful and not so powerful. The only difference between a lazy, rich person and a lazy, poor person is the degree of burden that is placed on others to support the lazy person's lifestyle. In Matthew 23:4, Jesus talks about the lazy and powerful that oppress people. The scripture says, “For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers”. Laziness is rooted in irresponsibility. To overcome laziness we need to accept our responsibilities both in terms of supporting our lifestyle as well as fulfilling our calling in life.
MATTHEW 23 BIBLE SCRIPTURE Matthew 23:4, “For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.”
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