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| Why Do I have to have Pre-Marriage Counseling?
When two people fall in love and decide to get married, they begin one of the most rewarding relationships God designed. Many couples believe the powerful feelings that motivated their decision to get married are enough to secure a healthy marriage. Yet sometimes, even during the courtship period, couples begin to discover that their feelings of love fluctuate and change. The only way to maintain true love and find that happily-ever-after marriage is to realize how many times love is not a feeling but a choice. The decision to marry and maintain a monogamous, loving relationship requires understanding the dynamics of marriage and how your choices will affect your marriage. Couples will have much more fulfilling marriages when they begin to realize how many factors influence a happy marriage. These factors include family of origin, communication, conflict resolution, attitudes, religion, financial management, sexual relationship, and children. Each factor involves many issues that affect the well-being of any marriage. Before the wedding is the time to talk about your expectations of marriage and of the understanding you have of yourselves and each other. Everything you bring into your marriage has been influenced by your family or origin. You are who you are because of what you have experienced, inherited, been taught, and seen modeled for you throughout your life. Your attitudes, morals, values, beliefs, and priorities are all influenced by your family and are the building blocks for the expectations you bring to your marriage relationship. Over the past thirty years, marriage counselors have come to understand that one of the most significant factors in a marriage is the influence of the family of origin. As you go through these counseling sessions you can expect to make new discoveries about yourself and your spouse-to-be. You will learn how you are different from and similar to one another. Just remember that different doesn't mean "bad," nor does it mean "wrong." It just means "different." Don't expect to see everything the same way; that would be impossible. You come from different families with different sets of right and wrong--different ways of living life. As your wedding day draws near, a mountain of details will require your attention. It is easy to put off this important time for your relationship because, after all, you will be spending the rest of your lives together--right? Unfortunately, you probably won't take time for building your relationship after you marry if you don't make time now before you marry. Something will always be waiting to claim your time. When we encounter issues that are difficult for us to deal with, we have a tendency to think that love will take care of the problems for us; it will be different after we get married; or I can change him or her. That doesn't usually happen. You have to deal with the tough issues, and it is better to deal with them before you get married rather than to find out after you are married you cannot resolve the problems.
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Finding Hope Through Darkness
WestWind Ministries